Knee Deep Blog

Breast Cancer the Continued Silent Soliloquy

After waiting close to an hour and a half I was finally escorted into my oncologist's office.  My examination room was still open and a nurse was pulling my charts up on the computer in the room - outside the office three of the admins were trying to figure out how to spell soliloquy and looked my way.  In that moment I had no idea how it would play into my appointment and the discussion of my continued breast cancer treatment.

Michele's NFL Debut

Here it is....a few photos from my NFL debut as a photographer.  It almost looks official.  Of course I had no idea my photo was being taken, that's because Harry is an actual NFL photographer and he caught us from afar on his zoom.

It was very fun to open FaceBook and see few of the literally hundreds of photos I know I took during the day. I love the one of me goofing with the coaches headsets which of course I wasn't suppose to be doing. I swear I didn't tell anyone about the Seahawks secret plays that shut out the Jaguars.  I can hold a secret.  I promise.  Corinne of course played by the rules and refused to be naughty and simply laughed at my antics. 

  Here's my impromptu shot with Harry Scull Jr as he was walking off the field at the end of the game...he gave me the secret code of "take my picture" which I did, because I'm a good photographer's assistant.  Truthfully it happened so fast I wasn't even sure it was in focus and I smiled when I saw it on Harry's FaceBook photo album.

Getting out of the box is good in life.  Now it's about remembering to do it more often and with zeal.

Here's a link to the original post.

Bye Bye Tamoxifen - Shifting Gears

It's almost been a month since I said bye, bye tamoxifen and decided that although it's suppose to stop additional breast cancer, it was creating problems elsewhere - so I was complete and ready to be off it after less than a year of taking it.

I had spent quite a bit of time doing research and being the true forum voyeur to see what others were doing, what they were thinking and potential other paths.  What I learned is that "we" have such a great FEAR of being diagnosed with breast cancer again that most of us do what ever our medical oncologist has said is the "right thing" to do without questioning their wisdom or why despite additional studies and choices tamoxifen or the estrogen inhibitor of choice was chosen for you.

For One Day I Was A NFL Professional Photographer

Now had you ever asked me if I have ever dreamed about being or becoming a NFL professional photographer I would have looked at you and said, you mean my husband?  But sometimes opportunities show up that are just too good to turn away and you've got to grasp the opportunity by the horns, hold on and yell loudly - yee haw this could be a dream! Yesterday I had such an opportunity at the Seahawks vs. Jaguars game in Seattle.

The opportunity goes back to an old 20+ year friendship from Western NY, a phone call, and saying yes.

What I Know for Sure, I Don’t Know

Although lots of thoughts have been running rampant and the summer has been full of great activities, the urge to actually write and post on Knee Deep Blog has been latent.

I'm blessed to be at a friend's vacation home on Vashon Island for the 4^th time since June. Interestingly in January I made a list of things I wanted and things to accomplish this year – one of them was the use of a home on a lake or the beach and amazingly it showed up.

The weekend started with waiting for in line long enough for three ferries to go before us and listening to Kids bop blaring on the stereo which is 5 songs on a promotional CD from McDonalds – in one of the songs I heard Ella singing "taco butt, taco butt, taco butt" with a big smile. I turned around and said I think they are saying "talk about it, talk about it, talk about it" to which she replied, no I heard it. It says "TACO BUTT."

Feeling Great and Living With Not Knowing

The procedure went really well last week.  Well it's actually hard to know exactly what happened because one minute I was asked if I wanted another blanket and said yes...and my next memory was someone saying welcome back.  I was now in a different room on a different bed.

Because of my history...Getting Ready for a D&C

After my last post on "do I have to" I was hoping to completely get out of any additional medical stuff that seemed to be evolving from the ultrasounds.  But, my gynecologist made me, well actually she politely asked me, to come in for a consultation to review the reports.  She began her consultation with..."because of your history..."

Now prior to breast cancer when I heard, because of your history it meant some thing good, like a promotion, more money, some type of acknowledgment.  Now a days - "beacuse of your history" often begins what now feels like a sentance to do some thing I don't want to do like blood draws, scans, ultrasounds or some other test to look at "suspicous" body parts and happenings.

Who would have known I could become so suspicious and have so many possibilities that I'm clearly not interested in having.

Ugh...Do I Have To?

I spoke with my brother earlier this week and was informed that he was doing a multiple month catch up on my blog and after reading he said - shit I didn't realize that this was tough for you.  It reminds me of conversations we have with Eli to help him connect into his own emotional intelligence that often start with "how would you feel if X, Y, Z hit you on the head and took your toy?"

Instead I get to create and answer those questions myself...

How do you feel when you know the Tamoxifin is screwing with your body (ovaries and uterus)?

New Look To Knee Deep Blog - cancer update

It was time to take the bold and bodacious bald banner off the blog - because now I have a real haircut with no more crazy chemo curls and am post cancer, well officially remission.  Now it's my own curls which by the way are slightly more curly than prior to chemo. 

Here is my look according to my son.  I kept hemming and hawing over creating a new banner using a photo because I kept waiting for one that I loved, and then Eli helped me out with a portrait of myself.  It was a close between this one and one where I'm in my high heels playing baseball.  What's also cool is that these are his first drawings that are not line people.

An Ungraceful End To Chemo-pause

If you've been reading for a while you know that I went kicking into breast cancer treatment when told some of the outcomes...I do believe that I used words similar to "treatment turning me into an androgynous blah, blah, blah."  Well fast forward fifteen months later and I feel quite differently.

Although cancer and cancer treatment does suck I have to admit that after my ego got out of the way, there were unspoken benefits - that is if you looked at your life with new eyes.  For example - no need to shave - and perfect timing during the first part of summer and after going through the initial chemo acne I had absolutely amazing skin - soft as a baby's butt.  That was actually inspired by my deceased Auntie Jeanie who in her 80's only used baby wipes to clean her face and would always say her skin was smooth and soft as a baby's butt.  I couldn't help but follow her footsteps.  But months post chemo my skin went back to post treatment and requires a few more steps.

Ok the sharing window is going wide open - so for those of you more conservative readers, well it's time to sign off.