Knee Deep Blog

Get Sparked Cafe and Following Your Dream

This morning my girlfriend Lisa Fox sent an email announcing her first CD release right here in Seattle at Tula's Jazz Club on September 22nd - which by the way if you're around I hope you can make it.  It reminds me that we all have a dream that's deep inside and both how powerful it is to witness a friend follow their dream.

Lisa is the first person I met when I moved to Seattle 15 years ago and is the person that introduced me to Tim, my always adoring husband.  We often call her the songbird because she's always singing in choirs, at events, spontaneously, etc - including at our wedding which made me cry like a baby.  More importantly she's continued to follow her dream to have a professional singing career that's both gone smoothly and had bumps at other times.

I believe...

Following your dream takes knowing what you want, believing it, taking actions (both big and small) and asking for help because we can't do it alone. 

I've also been following my dream to connect women in deep, engaging conversation that makes a difference everyday - hence the birth of Get Sparked Cafe.  The next cafe is September 16th and I hope you can make it.  Join the list to get more details and upcoming cafe dates. The Cafe is free because I want to give back to my community.   Come join some amazing women!

Hope to see you at both events!

Here's Lisa live.

Regards, Michele

Thornton Creek Auction dressed Peter Maxx Style

OK I have to admit that I was glad to be tagged on Facebook in this photo rather than the one I posted earlier - It's my Peter Maxx early 70's look.  Unfortunately you can't see my bouffant because it blends in with the background and my silver shoes are under the table!

Tim looked fabulous, with his gold chain and powder blue pants.  We had a hard time deciding big curly hair or slicked down with the geek curl on the end which one out after I spent a bunch of time online looking at hair styles.

The Difference of Getting It Done and Your Big Picture

Due to my last post on letting go of desk piles, books, notebooks, and other stuff that is cluttering my home office and downstairs I've engaged in a discussion with a college friend on facebook and have connected with a few  - being told that it's inspiring.  It seems that I've got company  in the let it go department and I'm sure that there are a few more nodding in agreement, a few taking action and a few putting it on their list for some day.

This morning on my walk / run I was listening to a podcast about dreaming.  Not the kind you have while you sleep, rather do you still dream of possibility or are you focused on just getting things done?

Immediately I connected with the actions I've been taking in my office and I thought, "why am I clearing things out?"  So after the podcast was over I did some contemplation during my walk and felt the need to write it down.

Introducing my Sister to Facebook and Nephew to the IPOD

Today I had the great opportunity to help my sister and nephew get introduced to technology - and it rocked.  The joke with my sister who has a hotmail account is that you can't send her email because it just bounces back because her box is full with junk mail.  She responds a few times a year which then allows a few emails to go through.

Death and Dying During the Holidays

Death and dying of a parent during the holidays adds an extra layer and challenge to life.  I also find it interesting that this is the third holiday season with a major event. So in my reckoning with God I'm calling it three for three and hoping that next year we can expect a "dull" holiday by our standards.

Take Back Your Life - A System and A Book To Check Out

One of the things that is constant in my life is the amount of information that is constantly coming my way that seems to grow and often leaves me with the feeling of chaos and overwhelm.  Three weeks ago I bought a new laptop so that I could be more mobile, because it seems that as soon as Eli is in the picture the one place he doesn't want me to be is in my home office.  So he does things that many five year olds do to pester their mom and remind them that they are the center of their universe and wanting to be the center of mine - right now, did you hear me mom, right now and all the time.

My desk top has served it purpose, and even with a major overhaul of upgraded memory and a hard drive last summer I still find myself not having enough cache memory which means I spend a bunch of time waiting to take action when multiple programs are open and especially when I am on the internet and leave more then a few pages open.  This frustrates the hell out of me...imagine, you are in your total flow and your computer either freezes or tells you to close some thing so it can process your request.  Talk about letting the air out of flow, especially when what you need to close is what you are working on for your client.

Chemo Side Effects: Being Really Thankful Even When You're Bald and Sometimes Cranky

If you're just catching up with me you'll want to start here to learn about my discovery of lumpiness behaving badly which is also known as breast cancer to the every day person, as well as why I am writing about my journey of breast cancer and for the time being a breast cancer blog.

My prior post is here.  My next post is here.

One of my chemo side effects is gratitude which shows up in a variety of ways. 

I've noticed that I really want to reach out and connect with friends, and then there is the physical reality that some times kicks in.  The physical reality that I'm tired and even feeling cranky but not totally emotionally fulfilled for the day.  My introvert side loves being able to have some Michele time, and my bigger extrovert side enjoys and demands deep and meaningful connection with the outside world.

So, how does one balance wanting to reach out when your physical cancer journey has created some limitations?  Limitations of both physical and emotional energy. Limitations of time because you spend a significant portion of time going and coming from a variety of doctor visits.  Meanwhile you still have your life that includes a husband, a child, family, friends and meaningful work. 

Before cancer this "life" seemed to take 24/7, now it is shared with your cancer journey and isn't necessarily wanting to take the back seat.

Focusing on What Matters and Taking Action

Be Courageous and Take Action

I just finished writing my last post of being courageous and in action when the phone rang.  It was a friend of mine that started the call with, I'm so damn lucky and I want to help.  She asked if I would like to donate to help local flood victims in Centralia, WA.

Now, she's not part of any organization, and hasn't been asked, rather, she recognizes the importance of helping others in need and taking action - she's grass roots.

Because helping others is also important to me I immediately sent an email to a large group of people in my neighborhood  (more grass roots and viral marketing at its best) and some close friends letting them know what is happening and if they want to help, bring it to my house and I'll coordinate a second drop off. 

Death...loss, emotion and digging in to what matter mosts

Death...is there really any thing you can say that feels just right and appropriate in that moment? A good friend from my master's program  2000 cohort just sent an email sharing his wife's death due to a ruptured brain aneurysm.  They are in their early 50's, have an incredible relationship, and are individually and together amazing people.

I want to yell out people in their prime and young kids aren't suppose to die, but they do.

Each time I experience a death it brings me back to my father's death four years ago and reopens that sea of emotion and my journey to finding peace.  Maybe it's just my age, once you hit your 40's, death happens more frequently around you.  Although life, death and dying are part of our lives, what seems so unfair has been the unexpectedness of each death - and how that rocks one's core.

My father was in his mid 70's and had numerous body parts taken out for a variety of types of cancer, the joke was always about him being hallow inside or just trying to lose weight. Although he had been diagnosed with terminal cancer in the fall and give just a few months to live - which coincided with me finding out I was pregnant - he didn't die until the following Labor day weekend which was almost a year later. 

What was unexpected is that he didn't die of cancer as was predetermined. He either died of a stroke or some type of aneurysm.  Since he was terminally ill they wouldn't and didn't do an autopsy. 

Innovate or Die or the More Politically Correct Innovate and Grow

"Innovate or die" or do I be more politically correct and state, "innovate and grow"? At 5:04 am these were the deep thoughts that were meandering through my mind.  Eli had recently woken up yelling for mommy to come and after patiently waiting I knew he wasn't going back to sleep so I trudged upstairs and jumped into bed with him.  He fell back to sleep but I didn't as my mind began racing and settling in on "innovate or die" repeating again and again. OK, I'm not going back to sleep, got the message, and got out of bed.

I generally laugh at others when they say they wake up early and can't go back to sleep because 98% of the time I can, but not today. I know that the thoughts are stemming from my own coaching call yesterday which helped me pull together some of the research I've been doing to help me look at my own work and business from a different lens as well as asking me some big questions such as "What is the pay off for being great, but pretending not to see my own greatness?" that both felt uncomfortable as well as right on mark. 

I realized it's hard to shift to a new lens because I'm looking at it from an familiar and comfortable paradigm (lens, view what ever word works for you) on how I do my work, who I work with and what the processes are with clients as well as the bigger, this is how I think I should do it....oh shit, it hit me that I am "shoulding" on my self big time. A paradigm shift is lurking.

I realized that my comfort with what I do in my work has actually become a huge weight dragging me and holding me down.  More importantly I realized that I've gotten lost in the work and details forgetting what my real purpose is in my work. And that is what my coaching has been about.