Knee Deep Blog

Death and Dying During the Holidays

Death and dying of a parent during the holidays adds an extra layer and challenge to life.  I also find it interesting that this is the third holiday season with a major event. So in my reckoning with God I'm calling it three for three and hoping that next year we can expect a "dull" holiday by our standards.

Take Back Your Life - A System and A Book To Check Out

One of the things that is constant in my life is the amount of information that is constantly coming my way that seems to grow and often leaves me with the feeling of chaos and overwhelm.  Three weeks ago I bought a new laptop so that I could be more mobile, because it seems that as soon as Eli is in the picture the one place he doesn't want me to be is in my home office.  So he does things that many five year olds do to pester their mom and remind them that they are the center of their universe and wanting to be the center of mine - right now, did you hear me mom, right now and all the time.

My desk top has served it purpose, and even with a major overhaul of upgraded memory and a hard drive last summer I still find myself not having enough cache memory which means I spend a bunch of time waiting to take action when multiple programs are open and especially when I am on the internet and leave more then a few pages open.  This frustrates the hell out of me...imagine, you are in your total flow and your computer either freezes or tells you to close some thing so it can process your request.  Talk about letting the air out of flow, especially when what you need to close is what you are working on for your client.

Chemo Side Effects: Being Really Thankful Even When You're Bald and Sometimes Cranky

If you're just catching up with me you'll want to start here to learn about my discovery of lumpiness behaving badly which is also known as breast cancer to the every day person, as well as why I am writing about my journey of breast cancer and for the time being a breast cancer blog.

My prior post is here.  My next post is here.

One of my chemo side effects is gratitude which shows up in a variety of ways. 

I've noticed that I really want to reach out and connect with friends, and then there is the physical reality that some times kicks in.  The physical reality that I'm tired and even feeling cranky but not totally emotionally fulfilled for the day.  My introvert side loves being able to have some Michele time, and my bigger extrovert side enjoys and demands deep and meaningful connection with the outside world.

So, how does one balance wanting to reach out when your physical cancer journey has created some limitations?  Limitations of both physical and emotional energy. Limitations of time because you spend a significant portion of time going and coming from a variety of doctor visits.  Meanwhile you still have your life that includes a husband, a child, family, friends and meaningful work. 

Before cancer this "life" seemed to take 24/7, now it is shared with your cancer journey and isn't necessarily wanting to take the back seat.

Focusing on What Matters and Taking Action

Be Courageous and Take Action

I just finished writing my last post of being courageous and in action when the phone rang.  It was a friend of mine that started the call with, I'm so damn lucky and I want to help.  She asked if I would like to donate to help local flood victims in Centralia, WA.

Now, she's not part of any organization, and hasn't been asked, rather, she recognizes the importance of helping others in need and taking action - she's grass roots.

Because helping others is also important to me I immediately sent an email to a large group of people in my neighborhood  (more grass roots and viral marketing at its best) and some close friends letting them know what is happening and if they want to help, bring it to my house and I'll coordinate a second drop off. 

Death...loss, emotion and digging in to what matter mosts

Death...is there really any thing you can say that feels just right and appropriate in that moment? A good friend from my master's program  2000 cohort just sent an email sharing his wife's death due to a ruptured brain aneurysm.  They are in their early 50's, have an incredible relationship, and are individually and together amazing people.

I want to yell out people in their prime and young kids aren't suppose to die, but they do.

Each time I experience a death it brings me back to my father's death four years ago and reopens that sea of emotion and my journey to finding peace.  Maybe it's just my age, once you hit your 40's, death happens more frequently around you.  Although life, death and dying are part of our lives, what seems so unfair has been the unexpectedness of each death - and how that rocks one's core.

My father was in his mid 70's and had numerous body parts taken out for a variety of types of cancer, the joke was always about him being hallow inside or just trying to lose weight. Although he had been diagnosed with terminal cancer in the fall and give just a few months to live - which coincided with me finding out I was pregnant - he didn't die until the following Labor day weekend which was almost a year later. 

What was unexpected is that he didn't die of cancer as was predetermined. He either died of a stroke or some type of aneurysm.  Since he was terminally ill they wouldn't and didn't do an autopsy. 

Innovate or Die or the More Politically Correct Innovate and Grow

"Innovate or die" or do I be more politically correct and state, "innovate and grow"? At 5:04 am these were the deep thoughts that were meandering through my mind.  Eli had recently woken up yelling for mommy to come and after patiently waiting I knew he wasn't going back to sleep so I trudged upstairs and jumped into bed with him.  He fell back to sleep but I didn't as my mind began racing and settling in on "innovate or die" repeating again and again. OK, I'm not going back to sleep, got the message, and got out of bed.

I generally laugh at others when they say they wake up early and can't go back to sleep because 98% of the time I can, but not today. I know that the thoughts are stemming from my own coaching call yesterday which helped me pull together some of the research I've been doing to help me look at my own work and business from a different lens as well as asking me some big questions such as "What is the pay off for being great, but pretending not to see my own greatness?" that both felt uncomfortable as well as right on mark. 

I realized it's hard to shift to a new lens because I'm looking at it from an familiar and comfortable paradigm (lens, view what ever word works for you) on how I do my work, who I work with and what the processes are with clients as well as the bigger, this is how I think I should do it....oh shit, it hit me that I am "shoulding" on my self big time. A paradigm shift is lurking.

I realized that my comfort with what I do in my work has actually become a huge weight dragging me and holding me down.  More importantly I realized that I've gotten lost in the work and details forgetting what my real purpose is in my work. And that is what my coaching has been about.

I Started My Day Crying Over Paul Potts

I broke my rule this morning and instead of working off my big rocks list thought I'd spend 20 minutes clearing out my in box of junk.  Instead I ended up on internet marketer's Mark Hendrick's blog and crying over Paul Potts.

Paul came out of no where with an amazing voice (singing opera no less) to win Britain's Got Talent Show this past summer.  Mark Hendricks does a good job of summarizing it up...hope, hard work and preparation meet opportunity. 

Literally on a flip of a coin Paul entered the show.  He is wearing a cheap store suit and is very nervous when he comes out - aren't we all when we finally break through our own glass ceiling of fear.  The first video is his audition when he broke through his own limiting beliefs and showed up.  It had my mouth hanging open and tears in my eyes. 

Paul Potts BGT Audition Video - truly amazing

In a later video he said he didn't know who he was and if he was some body, now he knows, he's Paul Potts - Pure inspiration for any of us to reach inside and have that clarity.

Mom's are Master Jugglers at Work and Home

Priorities and Juggling

I keep looking at the business focused "to do" list of four items, but in the recess of my mind I know it's really more like 76 things - both business and personal I'd love to get done by the end of the week, before my Saturday speaking engagement.  Plus it's really more than four because some of them are big and really do need to be broken down.  Remember, be productive and not just busy....my mantra.

Hence the life of a mom and master juggler of home and business - tossing A (the focused four from work and a bunch more from my home life), B, C and a few interesting D priorities around and around.

Posting to my blog Knee Deep today is not an A or B, rather a C priority but I just can't stop myself.  Writing often helps when I feel at sorts and a bit overwhelmed.  In my mind there a dozen posts that are waiting to be written and keep getting put off as I focus on the A's and B's which are pertinent to my home life and home based business. 

Backpacking In the Strawberry Mountain Wilderness and Painted Mountains and Getting Sick

I still haven't posted pictures from our amazing trip to the Strawberry Mountain Wilderness area the end of August and will add a couple here.  Of course that's when I first got sick which lasted for a good two weeks and really slowed me down and allowed my list of to do build up.  I got well enough for Eli to pick up a similar illness which  became croup (this means he wakes up multiple times during the night coughing and at times gasping for air - also known as stider for you medical folks).  In the last three weeks I've been to the doctor three times myself (the first times this year) for my own version of adult croup and feeling like shit and then a menacing bee sting and bee allergy.

Defining Moments: Discovering You're Really Part of The Neighborhood

Today I had an aha and deep thought - How do you know you really belong to your neighborhood  and community? 

I mean I've felt like one for a while but I've wondered how much of that is out of convenience of simply living in an urban setting on a block with 15 kids all under the age of 8 and how much has been created out of that convenience?

Today I received an email that both made me smile and has me realize that yes Michele you are part of your community.

The email read as follows:

One of our calico cats, Tigerlily, died unexpectedly over the weekend.

You are invited to celebrate Tigerlily's life at a brief

Furmorial

(that's funeral + memorial,

or maybe just furry memorial - it's Olivia's word)

Tonight at 7 p.m.

our house

Gotta go and shower cause I'm still in my jammies working at 4 (oh, hope my clients don't read this one), finish up my to do list and then prepare my brief thoughts for the Furmorial.

Regards,

Michele Corey, writing for Knee Deep:  A dose on insight and a little crap from your not always average home based business and Internet mom and Money Wise Women: A Blog for Women that are ready to get their financial house in order

What To Do When You're Shaken Out Of Your Comfort Zone

Some times it takes getting shaken (not stirred) out of your comfort zone to really become conscious and willing to open your eyes wider and invite yourself into your own conversation.  Perhaps some may think this approach appears as if you're in need of  medication or a good therapist but I look at it as an opportunity to feel uncomfortable, some times it's really uncomfortable, and I know this means I'm opening and growing.

My version of the theory of learning and enlightenment (from NLP) I often share with my clients goes like this.

Stage 1: You start as an unconscious incompetent - you don't know what you don't know.  Life is perfect as you know it.  Your truth is your truth and that's just how it is.  Many people really don't want this bubble burst and pretend to never notice Stage 2.   People in other stages may look at someone in this stage and laugh at their seemingly unwillingness or lack of ability to want to be where they are in Stage 3 or 4, but in reality they just don't know what they don't know.

Stage 2: You are shaken, stirred or perhaps both and become a conscious incompetent - you discover there is some thing you don't know or some thing you thought you knew has many more edges.  Because of this consciousness and the discomfort that comes with it, you can't go back to stage one and not knowing.  Every time you pretend that you don't know the knowing stares you in the face and is practically begging you to take action.