Knee Deep Blog

Death and Dying During the Holidays

Death and dying of a parent during the holidays adds an extra layer and challenge to life.  I also find it interesting that this is the third holiday season with a major event. So in my reckoning with God I'm calling it three for three and hoping that next year we can expect a "dull" holiday by our standards.

Rollo May Quotes That Dig Deep And Are Meaningful

I just read a post called Costanza Success Principles, as in George Costanza from the Seinfeld Series that touched many of us during the 90's.  The title intrigued me - a good sign for me and as I read on I found one of my absolute favorite quotes by Rollo May.

"The opposite of courage in our society is not cowardice…it is conformity."

This quote repeatedly showed us during a difficult and changing time of my life.  I had become really dissatisfied with my work.  I had been in the consumer products industry for just about 10 years, and although I did really well in my national sales management job, at some point dissatisfaction began leaking in.  The dissatisfaction for me was around lack of fulfillment, lack of both feeling valued and providing value to the greater good, lack of being part of some thing that was bigger than myself - all of this fit into what we often hear people say "I want to make a difference." I was absolutely lacking in that area.

Death...loss, emotion and digging in to what matter mosts

Death...is there really any thing you can say that feels just right and appropriate in that moment? A good friend from my master's program  2000 cohort just sent an email sharing his wife's death due to a ruptured brain aneurysm.  They are in their early 50's, have an incredible relationship, and are individually and together amazing people.

I want to yell out people in their prime and young kids aren't suppose to die, but they do.

Each time I experience a death it brings me back to my father's death four years ago and reopens that sea of emotion and my journey to finding peace.  Maybe it's just my age, once you hit your 40's, death happens more frequently around you.  Although life, death and dying are part of our lives, what seems so unfair has been the unexpectedness of each death - and how that rocks one's core.

My father was in his mid 70's and had numerous body parts taken out for a variety of types of cancer, the joke was always about him being hallow inside or just trying to lose weight. Although he had been diagnosed with terminal cancer in the fall and give just a few months to live - which coincided with me finding out I was pregnant - he didn't die until the following Labor day weekend which was almost a year later. 

What was unexpected is that he didn't die of cancer as was predetermined. He either died of a stroke or some type of aneurysm.  Since he was terminally ill they wouldn't and didn't do an autopsy. 

Innovate or Die or the More Politically Correct Innovate and Grow

"Innovate or die" or do I be more politically correct and state, "innovate and grow"? At 5:04 am these were the deep thoughts that were meandering through my mind.  Eli had recently woken up yelling for mommy to come and after patiently waiting I knew he wasn't going back to sleep so I trudged upstairs and jumped into bed with him.  He fell back to sleep but I didn't as my mind began racing and settling in on "innovate or die" repeating again and again. OK, I'm not going back to sleep, got the message, and got out of bed.

I generally laugh at others when they say they wake up early and can't go back to sleep because 98% of the time I can, but not today. I know that the thoughts are stemming from my own coaching call yesterday which helped me pull together some of the research I've been doing to help me look at my own work and business from a different lens as well as asking me some big questions such as "What is the pay off for being great, but pretending not to see my own greatness?" that both felt uncomfortable as well as right on mark. 

I realized it's hard to shift to a new lens because I'm looking at it from an familiar and comfortable paradigm (lens, view what ever word works for you) on how I do my work, who I work with and what the processes are with clients as well as the bigger, this is how I think I should do it....oh shit, it hit me that I am "shoulding" on my self big time. A paradigm shift is lurking.

I realized that my comfort with what I do in my work has actually become a huge weight dragging me and holding me down.  More importantly I realized that I've gotten lost in the work and details forgetting what my real purpose is in my work. And that is what my coaching has been about.

Deep Thought: Think Long Term

I've been focused and working away on a project...namely reconnecting to the who, what and how of my core client.  Some how while doing this I ended up a mostly clean and flowing desk and a huge pile on the floor of files and stuff.  I didn't realize how big it was until I literally slid into it as I made my way to the white board to scribble a few more ideas.

So instead of cleaning I've stayed focused and stopped jumping over to the pile and moved my brainstorming over to Mindjet Mind Manager Pro.  Of course that meant reloading it because it got lost in the shuffle of the new hard drive this summer, but the 15 minute shift has been well worth it.

The pile also started to affect my head and I began to feel a bit out of sorts...so I took a minute to pull an inspiration card and to refocus.

Think Long Term

Rich people think long-term;   They balance their spending on enjoyment today with saving and investing for freedom tomorrow. 

Poor people think short term:  They live based on immediate gratification

One inspiration card and one short blog post and I'm back off and running working "as if" all is perfect and letting go of the other want to clean the floor because when it comes down to it, my focus and flow are all about thinking long term and investing in my business future.

Until next time,

Michele Corey, writing for Knee Deep A dose on insight and a little crap from your not always average home based business and Internet mom and Money Wise Women: A Blog for Women that are ready to get their financial house in order

My Magnificent Self

I was updating my goals this morning and found this short essay called "My Magnificent Self" that I wrote a couple years ago.  Even though it wasn't on my "to do" list this morning I felt compelled to edit and share it.  Perhaps the next time you look in a mirror you'll notice a shift of perception.

My Magnificent Self

by Michele Corey

My magnificent self is an expression of my inner self and spirit; the spirited and loving self that shows up every day regardless of what is happening on the outside and fills me with love, faith and hope and serves as my guiding light.

It’s the self I wanted to be for so long and yet some how I didn’t feel fully deserving and worthy of being. Often I only felt it in fleeting glimpses, but some how those glimpses were enough to keep me hopeful yet not enough to really feed and nurture me or recognize my full magnificence.

My inner magnificence waited close to 40 years, a long time to connect with my soul and be fully present with the woman I see as I gaze into the mirror generally while performing my daily ritual of gently spreading lotion on my face and around my eyes.

I used to hope the lotion was really a magical like they state on the label and would truly stop that reflection I saw each day from changing, wrinkling, becoming old before it’s time and would restore my own fountain of youth and a time of all being possible. It was easy to control the gray hairs I saw, but that face…I really had no control as age, earth and gravity continued their course. No matter which lotion I used or how much I spent there really wasn’t much difference.

Deep Thoughts and Review on The Diamond Cutter

Right now I'm part way through four different books, one of them being The Diamond Cutter:  The Buddha on Strategies for Managing Your Business and Your Life by Geshe Michael Roach. 

Little by little I've been making my way through The Diamond Cutter and I'm about a third of the way through it and feel the need to write about what is showing up right now and not waiting until I'm finished. Its that being a mom of a 3.5 year old that means reading when opportunity strikes such as during an infrequent Eli nap,  getting up early, staying up late, by my bedside and carrying a book in my purse to read a page or two when the reading opportunity arises such as I've arrived some where a few minutes early.  I think this is part of the reason why I often have so many books going - they are strategically placed to pick up in a seconds notice.  Plus I think I developed what I'll call the ADD reading habit that likes to graze and go where my energy and passion is for the moment.

Any way, one of these moments struck yesterday and I found myself inspired as Geshe Roach spoke about hidden potential and was wishing for a few extra moments to write and get my thoughts down.  This morning I have my opportunity.

The Diamond Cutter is based upon a book written by the Buddha over 2,500 years ago. It contains secret wisdom and reaching success with this wisdom.  Michael Roach renders this wisdom into three principles that he speaks in today's layman's terms.

1.  business should be successful -  it should make money

Deep Thoughts on Learning In The Moment

The deep thought and affirmative quote that started my day is from Florence Scovel Shinn and The Game Of Life.

An adverse situation can be good; I am undisturbed by it, and it falls away of its own weight.  None of these things move me.

It's so interesting to have picked that inspirational card literally right after I sent an email to a client that had the following sentence. "It is interesting how the "universe" is really working with you...although at individual moments it may be seeming to conspire against you." This was sent in response to an email in which my client had said he had tried to take an action in his business out of fear and that didn't work out, as well as because he has lost two clients in the past week.

I notice how easy it is to fall into the emotional trap of wanting some thing so much in the moment that it is easy to forget that it really doesn't fit into the bigger picture.  And in fact with it out of the way you can focus on what is most important.

Losing any client work when you are self employed can feel like a big blow and I absolutely want to acknowledge that feeling.  Yet,

Deep Thoughts: 5 Thoughts on Getting Advice

I just came back from a trip to the east coast and recognize now more than ever we live in a 24/7 culture. All around us we are bombarded with never ending thoughts, ideas and advice of "how to this and that" and "what to do"  as well as "if you don't do X you will either live a painful or fearful life or die a slow and painful death.  So what is a gal to do in these trying times?

Some times I really enjoy the information and advice that comes my way and others times I just want to yell "shut up" or "stop the madness."  Heck if I could just pull the plug both literally on my computer and figuratively as I'm listening to someone with that glazed over look of not wanting to be there at that exact moment I'd be filled with joy.

Have you ever felt that way?

So what is advice any way?  I'd describe advice as some some type of information that someone thinks you either must have or if you had would make your life better.

Being a consultant, coach, mom, wife, an extrovert as well as friend to a sizable group of individuals I've had my share both giving and receiving advice.  So how do you know when to listen (because it's good and timely) and how do you know when to stop the flow of information that is simply filling up your head with stuff that you are not going to use in the next month or perhaps even this lifetime?

Yesterday afternoon I pulled a card from one of my favorite inspiration decks: 

"Rich people take advice from people who are richer than they are. 

Deep Thoughts: Choosing Both In Life

Deep thought and deep quote for the day,

Choose Both

Poor people think "either/or"; rich people think "both."

You can be kind, generous, loving, spiritual, balanced,

do work you love and be really, really rich.

I remember when I first left my corporate sales work six years ago.  At the time I felt burnt out. I traveled a lot, had moved quite a few times, my life was very much type A.  Within my work I loved my clients, but often felt frustrated with the direction coming from above - especially the disconnect between what was said and the actions. 

What was said, serve your clients well, develop long term relationships, we're in this for the long run.  Long term relationships are a win/win.

What was actually wanted, bottom line results that didn't always support the client relationship. One of the phrases I most often heard was, did you hit your number?  Your number only being as good as yesterday, today is a new day.  Do what it takes to make it "the sale" happen - translated into short term relationships.

My initial paradigm after leaving corporate work and going out on my own (without a real plan I want to add), it took courage to walk away from the security of what was my "knowing" about