It's still bugging me...the newly purchased spiderman with muscles costume that's sitting in the closet and will now stay in the closet this Halloween. Why? cause Eli was told that spiderman is "dumb and baby" and he's only six.
Here's the background. As you know the retail stores begin each holiday 4 to 8 weeks prior to the holiday. Eli has been invited to a bunch of fall birthdays so we've spent a lot of time in Toys R Us and Target with Eli picking out what he thinks his friend will really like. Of course he would like to be much more generous than mom allows, but that's another story. So we've had the opportunity to see the Halloween costumes for quite a while and he's been very attracted to spiderman with muscles.
Frugal me of course refuses to pay $29.99 plus tax for a costume that gets worn a few times during a short period of time. So I asked him a bunch of questions, such as why he wants to be spiderman and what other ideas he had. Eli is pretty single track once he's made a decision and was very clear that this was the halloween costume of choice. So I was in a bit of a dilema would I cough up the money or not?
Then I had the luck to spend a woman's weekend with a bunch of mom's and was given the insight to check out Value Village, Goodwill and Salvation Army - but to go early - like right now. So I went and guess what I found the only spiderman with muscles for $4.99 - woo hoo. By the way they have a lot of used and new costumes and Halloween things.
That night I surprised Eli with the costume which of course he had to immediately put on and did his best spiderman performance, as well as he tried on the long blond wig I picked up for my repeat mermaid costume from 6 years ago.
Fast forward a week later...Eli and I are talking about the Halloween Party and my promise to come to the party.
Then I ask him if he wants to put on his costume so I can feel those big muscles and laugh...he returns my question with - "I'm not wearing that baby costume, it's dumb!"
What? Huh?
The next few questions from me brought teary eyes and that he was now going to be a spy because some of the other boys in his class were going to be a spy.
Our conversation continued...and I had a big aha - my six year old child was not only bending to social pressure and was defining his actions based upon what others thought were cool. More importantly he was abandoning ship when it came to his own ideas and choices.
We ended by having a conversation about what makes him special and how that is the same and different from other kids in his class.
I have to say that I wasn't ready for this - I mean I know that other kids on the street, especially the girls had experienced this, but for some reason I thought that Eli was immune to this - at least for a while.
I sent an email to the other parents in the class letting them know what happened and being clear that I was not going to name any names (even though I was asked), rather I wanted the to be aware. What I learned is that there were numerous other kids who felt the same way and that it was unspoken among the parents.
Many thanked me for starting the conversation - many were silent. The learning is - do have a conversation about what makes your child special and how that is the same and different from others. And do share with other parents, it's not about naming names rather having a bigger conversation and helping our children value who they are - and it's good enough, in fact it's perfect.
And finally take that advice yourself and be the model. This morning I read an article from the Sunday Parade Magazine in which they interviewed the pilot that "saved" the plane on the Hudson. He was asked by his daughter - what does integrity mean? He answered - integrity means doing the right thing, even when it's not convenient. To that I'll add, fill yourself with courage to be you and realize how powerful that is.
I'd love to hear how you've dealt with this.
Regards, Michele Corey
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Posted by: Denyreply | December 09, 2009 at 11:51 AM