I spoke with my brother earlier this week and was informed that he was doing a multiple month catch up on my blog and after reading he said - shit I didn't realize that this was tough for you. It reminds me of conversations we have with Eli to help him connect into his own emotional intelligence that often start with "how would you feel if X, Y, Z hit you on the head and took your toy?"
Instead I get to create and answer those questions myself...
How do you feel when you know the Tamoxifin is screwing with your body (ovaries and uterus)?
How do you feel when one blood test turns into multiple blood tests,your veins keep collapsing so you know they are going to hurt?
How do you feel when you think you got your first period since chemo but find out it's "just" a problem with build up in your uterus from the Tamoxifin - plus now you're anemic to boot?
How do you feel when the oncologist calls and says, well not the best results on the ovarian / uterus ultrasound - but they're not bad either - we'll simply retest in a few months and then make a decision - So just go along like all is well?
How do you feel when a week later the gynecologist that gets the same results states - based upon the results which are the same results the oncologist saw we recommend tissue sampling, a D&C and a retest in a couple months. No big deal it's outpatient and you'll be fine in a day, just make sure someone is there do drive you home because of the sedation?
How do you feel when they say, we think you should talk with a genetic counselor - even though the BRAC was negative?
Wait a minute I thought that post breast cancer treatment it was take the daily drugs, get tested every three months and all is well other than what ever emotional stuff still rears it's head here and there?
So that's the million dollar question - how do you feel?
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