Death and dying of a parent during the holidays adds an extra layer and challenge to life. I also find it interesting that this is the third holiday season with a major event. So in my reckoning with God I'm calling it three for three and hoping that next year we can expect a "dull" holiday by our standards.
Year one included tonsil problems that turned into significant sleep apnea and unsuccessful steroids to open airways for Eli, then three only to be remedied by three days in the hospital in what was suppose to be day surgery. That year also included an ER visit for mom on my birthday when I was suppose to be enjoying a free day at the spa. Last year when I tried to go to the spa again on my birthday (the week before Christmas) I was diagnosed with breast cancer which set off as one can imagine whole host of emotions, fears, and changes. This year my birthday is the Friday before Christmas and damn it, I am going to the spa to celebrate.
Unfortunately this Holiday season now includes the death of Ellie, my soft and loving mother in law that passed away roughly 24 hours ago. To add a slight amount of drama it included us being notified in the middle of the night. Her death also puts into perspective the past two holiday seasons although each was fraught with it's own emotional baggage, because we are still alive creating life stories and history. Ellie's new stories are now complete and her life will become expressed in stories that are categorized by remembrance at holidays, events and timing such as, remember when you had your first baby and mom said X.
We were called the week before Thanksgiving with hospice stating they didn't think she would make it through the weekend. So we called clients and canceled our schedules and packed for the three of us not knowing if we were going for a couple days, week, longer and included clothes for both Thanksgiving and a funeral.
Life entered a new routine of helping with 24 hour care to be at mom's side to offer comfort to both ourselves and her during her moments of lucid knowing and patience during the times of her "time and space travel" to other worlds in which we were mere outsiders offering love and knowledge that each hour could be the transition to the last. This formed a time frame which I can only explain as it's own life - containing some moments of deja vu in the new daily routine, and many moments of unawareness of our own time and space.
At one point we checked in and had realized it had been close to a week and it only felt like a few days. It was only the presence of Eli now five that would catapult us to the current reality with each day becoming more difficult for him to contain the life energy of his fiveness. Other parents would simply say bouncing off the walls and pushing boundaries. Of course being contained to small rooms with no real place to run and 38 to 45 degree weather mixed with rain outside which limited our ability to really get out an play was also a factor.
Of course during our stay I took advantage of all a small town has to offer.
- We went to the fireman's breakfast and stayed for a couple hours looking at pictures and climbing on an old fire truck.
- We went to church and attended coffee and doughnut hour (which was the best $2 donation I've made in a while). Not only were we one of the last two tables to leave, it allowed Eli his only opportunity during our trip to play with kids his own age while I befriend two wonderful senior fellows in a long conversation about this, that and the other thing. When I thanked them for allowing me to butt in and then stay, they were more then gracious to say, "you made our day."
- We visited the local Mount Angel Monastery twice. The first time we played a game as we walked up the meditation hill and stopped in at each station of the cross. We also learned about their unique museum that included many stuffed animals (aka taxidermy) and some odd things like a baby cow with two sets of legs and one with two butts and one head. Eli had a hard time understanding how that could happen and didn't quite grasp Siamese twins. They also had a lovely meditation room that we visited as I sat in silence Eli became a prolific artist.
- Dinner in a local bar that only allows kids during means. He thought the pool table and video machines were really cool. Of course he was the only kid there and we received many stares that indicated that although kids could come in during meals, the locals didn't bring their kids into the place.
- A viewing of the Glochen spiel (know I know I didn't spell that right, but where is my German born friend Sabine at 7 am when I need her). Roughly this means talking clock in English. Mount Angel, Oregon is known for it's Oktoberfest each September. The paradox is that the town is really mostly Mexican Hispanic but all the buildings are decked out in German Dress. Four times a day the clock goes off and music plays as life size figurines such as a Native American Indian, a priest, a Bavarian Women, a homesteading looking kind of guy sing songs. The finale includes two kids on a swing from a different part of the clock. Eli loved it.
- A trip to the local stores. The find was the hardware store. Not only did they have "bills" up by the register with family names and tally's owed, they had every thing which included some kids toys. We bought a deck of Old Maid (our first) and a matching game for a whopping $1.45 each. Both games were played as we visited Grandma Ellie who smiled and said, "oh yes how fun."
- Although our town was too small to host a McDonald's we drove to find one with a play land. Unfortunately although there were kids he didn't find a play buddy.
- As well as we made a part day trip to Portland to visit OMSI which was amazing. I highly recommend it.
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