Pretty Bald and Becoming Bodacious: A Chemo Hair Loss Side Effect

If you're just catching up with me you'll want to start here to learn about my discovery of lumpiness behaving badly which is also known as breast cancer to the every day person, as well as why I am writing about my journey of breast cancer and for the time being a breast cancer blog.

My prior post is here.   My next post is here.

Can it really be three weeks, and another round of chemo tomorrow morning (Thursday, 4/10 for the locals) since I last posted?  Yep, wow, time does fly when you're obsessed and focused on things like hair loss, spending time as a single parent as Tim travels for work, a five day visit from a great friend with her son, and balancing extra mom time during Eli's spring break from school with business, home and kicking breast cancer in the butt.

                                                  These three pictures were taken on the 20th.  Notice that the front and side views although a bit different from my usual self simply look like I have thin short hair, but the top view of the growing part gives you an indication of what it felt like for me knowing the inevitable was near - being with, oh shit.

On the 20th I was highly focused (to say the least) with my soon to be departed hair, and at that time not fully ready to shave and be without my beautiful and shifting locks.  By the 24th I could hardly wait to be without these locks as enough had fallen out that by the 22nd I really needed to wear a hat or some type of head covering unless I wanted to look like a bald man with a comb over in back.  Truthfully I couldn't figure out how one could do a comb over on the back of your head due to gravity and all.  In front it simply looked like a bad hair cut with an extra wide part that could use some Rogaine.

That's when the calls to supermom with well oiled clippers, also known as Ali started.  Unfortunately, Eli got sick and I couldn't subject Ali's three kids to the flu so I recognized that hats make great hair catchers and continued to vacuum both the bathroom and my pillow as well as say multiple prayers that my low white blood cell count wouldn't be attracted to his sickness.  Thankfully I only picked up a mild version.

Finally, on Friday the 28th Ali made it over at 10 pm.  Some how on that day I ended up with Tim out of town and three girlfriends for an unscheduled dinner, some wine (by the way cheap wine tastes as good as good wine now a day which is an effect of chemo) and great conversation.  When Ali showed up we were way past our bedtimes and excited to have her with us.

These pictures were taked just before I shaved my hair.  It's amazing how much hair would fall out each day and the difference in my appearance in just one week.  The hair in the shower picture was from that morning.  I'm still amazed when I see it because there was so little hair left on my head and it's a sizeable pile..

I took off my hat and witnessed my last hat head for what will be many moons and was looking forward to the shave.  Interestingly, had you asked me a week before if I was ready I would have told you "no" as I really wanted to keep being me with no visible changes for others to see. 

For that I was willing to endure mops of hair in the drain (the picture I've attached is on the day I shaved my head is about one third of what was there on the days leading up), blow drying hair off my body and constantly vacuuming hair from the house - just so I would feel and look normal.  Now I get that although I thought it was for others, it was really for myself.

I had thought, oh, I'll have her cut a mohawk or something fun, this was before I'd lost so much hair, now I simply wanted it off so I could experience some ease away from bad hair days that resulted in my bandanna's or hats.  Bad hair days also include all the floating hair that could be found every where and the some times wierd feeling of looking at yourself in the mirror and seeing some other woman in her place.   

First my hair was cut about a 1/2 inch and it somewhat hurt on the top and around the crown of my head.  That part of my head was very sensitive.  But compared to what I've already experienced it was nothing.

I could see what was going on in the reflection of the window as Ali cut away as well as watch both Cindy and Lori's faces.  I enjoyed that part - noticing facial expressions and seeing but not really being able to fully see what was going on. 

When it was time to look in the mirror the first thing that popped into my mind was not what I would have expected, I immediately thought, I look like a hot biker chick that my sister Anne would want to date.  Where was my black leather coat, neck tattoo and great earrings? (Anne got a kick out of my story when I shared it with her.) 

I was actually surprised not to feel any sadness to having just shaved my head.  Instead I felt more inquisitive about this woman I stared at in the mirror that was me.  How big and deep my eyes looked.  How much I really liked my eyebrows and the immediate hope that they will stay put during chemo.  How I actually looked pretty good being bald. I immediately wondered if it would all fall out or if some of it would stay.

The initial comments and what I continue to hear once I take off my bandanna or hat is, wow, you look really good bald.  And I have no more bad hair days to boot! hah!

That night I took a shower and experienced some thing that only newly bald people will ever experience - the feeling and I mean real feeling of a shower on the top of your head.  It felt amazing.  My head was so sensitive that I could feel  streams of water gently bouncing off my head and then giving in to the amount of water they would envelop and stream down.  I felt like I was at some kind of fancy spa undergoing a special treatment.  It felt amazing.  Even though I was dog tired I just stood there and smiled again and again at the feeling knowing that a few showers later it would never be the same as I adjusted to life with little hair. 

Now a days that I don't have much to do in the shower - no shaving due to both the loss of hair and the remaining hair that has suffered chemo shock and has refused to grow any further and remains the same short stubble length it was almost two months ago, plus chemo gals aren't suppose to shave due to possible infection, and no hair to wash other than to massage my head some, I even used my body loofah to ex-foliate the thin layer of skin that is peeling off.  I can't call it dandruff because there's no hair, so it's just a thin layer of peeling skin. So I mostly just stand around because I realize how much I love the feeling of warm water running over my body on a cold spring morning. 

Then I jump out and oil up all over including my head.  Melissa, our bookkeeper and friend, made me this great oil with jojoba, vitamin E, lavender and some thing else that I can't quite remember at this moment and it smells marvelous.  So I now smell marvelous all over.  Plus I read in my essential oil book that using jojoba on your head will give you luxurious hair when it grows back.  Regardless if it does or doesn't I like including my head in the morning lube!

Of course the next day Eli rubbed my head, looked at his hand and said, "mom you have these little dirt things on your head and it's on my hand."  I tried to explain that I didn't have dirt on my head and the was my hair.  He made a face and rubbed his hands on my clothes.  Like, really, what's different - dirt, hair, food, you name it being wiped on you when you're a mom?!

It's almost been two weeks since I had my hair shaved and it still feels like a relief.   Since I've never shaved my head with hair it's hard to understand exactly how much I have left, but I'd say maybe 20 percent.  And it appears that no more is falling out for now.  We'll see after I have my next chemo session tomorrow.

Oh, one more good think about having no hair.  When you wash your face at night - you never need to pull your hair back or worry about getting it wet or stuff in it...life without much hair is very easy.

Another tip / trick I learned is the power of two hats.  With chemo hair (almost bald but not quite) you are always cold.  So I find that I want turtlenecks, scarves and my hat.  At Eli's T-Ball practice I just about froze my bazoobas off even with my fleece hat.  Then it hit me - wear two hats.  So i put either my bandanna or scull cap hat first and then either my fleece hat or out side or pretty inside hat on.  When it's warmer in the house I sport my bandanna.

Talking about bandannas, my sister Anne would laugh as she is a bandanna babe and has them in many colors.  She is also a painter and found that bandannas are the best way to maintain your natural hair color. Anyway, digressing...and I'll get back to the point. 

This weekend I was having dinner with some of our neighbors Kristen and Britten (they are part of our extended family).  I dropped Eli off and went to the airport to pick up Tim so both he could come home and so he could join us.  As I walked in I noticed that Eli and Olivia had on blue bandannas.  Then Kristen came out in a bandanna.  Two year old Curran was sporting a polka dot bandanna.  Britten and his mom had one on too.  It made my heart smile.  It's times like these that I realize how lucky I am and this period of my life is very different.

Michele Corey, writing for Knee Deep Blog A dose on insight and a little crap from your not always average home based business and Internet mom and Money Wise Women: A Blog for Women that are ready to get their financial house in order

And of course I can't leave out the business:  Advanced Approach

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Financially

If you want to financially help us with out of pocket medical - I say thank you in advance because due to some other circumstances during the past year and a half this wasn't some thing we financially ready for and are open to help whether it be $10 or $100 which we say thank you or let me totally get out of my comfort zone $100+. (And believe me that it took a lot of courage on my side to drop my fears and ego and ask). 

Money (cash or visa) can be sent through a secure system - PalPay.   You can contribute either anonymously or not.  Offerings may be sent to michelec (at) unleashthemagic.com - obviously write it like an email address or by clicking on the Donate button below.

I am also committed to either - taking this off once we know we are covered and / or leaving it up and contributing to others that have cancer and need help - once we get there I will ask you.