Knee Deep Blog

Chemo Side Effects: Being Really Thankful Even When You're Bald and Sometimes Cranky

If you're just catching up with me you'll want to start here to learn about my discovery of lumpiness behaving badly which is also known as breast cancer to the every day person, as well as why I am writing about my journey of breast cancer and for the time being a breast cancer blog.

My prior post is here.  My next post is here.

One of my chemo side effects is gratitude which shows up in a variety of ways. 

I've noticed that I really want to reach out and connect with friends, and then there is the physical reality that some times kicks in.  The physical reality that I'm tired and even feeling cranky but not totally emotionally fulfilled for the day.  My introvert side loves being able to have some Michele time, and my bigger extrovert side enjoys and demands deep and meaningful connection with the outside world.

So, how does one balance wanting to reach out when your physical cancer journey has created some limitations?  Limitations of both physical and emotional energy. Limitations of time because you spend a significant portion of time going and coming from a variety of doctor visits.  Meanwhile you still have your life that includes a husband, a child, family, friends and meaningful work. 

Before cancer this "life" seemed to take 24/7, now it is shared with your cancer journey and isn't necessarily wanting to take the back seat.

Growing up with Eli: Alex Visits from NJ

 

Besides being all caught up in my own world I totally forgot to put Eli's spring break on our home calendar.  So  not only was Eli's spring break the week after my chemo it was a week that Tim was out of town so there wouldn't be any extra support on the home front.

Thankfully Cindy, a girlfriend extraordinare from New Jersey, came to the rescue and flew out with her son Alex who is 5 and 3/4 to be exact.  The three pictures really sum up the five days the boys spent together - it's all about me, me, me.

Chemo, Hair Loss & Finding Self Love: 36 Hands Of Love

If you're just catching up with me you'll want to start here to learn about my discovery of lumpiness behaving badly which is also known as breast cancer to the every day person, as well as why I am writing about my journey of breast cancer and for the time being a breast cancer blog.

My prior post is here.  My next post is here.

I decided to move this part of the post over to a new post so I could highlight the great photos I just received.

Last week I went to Eli's school to read Chem Cat by Cathy Nilon to his class of 18.  I figured it was time as he whipped off my hats when I picked him up from Kid's Club.  Thankfully there were only two kids.  One laughed and the other just stood there in shock.  I've learned that if kids have an understanding of what is going on, they think the whole cancer thing is quite interesting and baldness is very cool, but if they don't there is mixed reaction.

Pretty Bald and Becoming Bodacious: A Chemo Hair Loss Side Effect

If you're just catching up with me you'll want to start here to learn about my discovery of lumpiness behaving badly which is also known as breast cancer to the every day person, as well as why I am writing about my journey of breast cancer and for the time being a breast cancer blog.

My prior post is here.   My next post is here.

Can it really be three weeks, and another round of chemo tomorrow morning (Thursday, 4/10 for the locals) since I last posted?  Yep, wow, time does fly when you're obsessed and focused on things like hair loss, spending time as a single parent as Tim travels for work, a five day visit from a great friend with her son, and balancing extra mom time during Eli's spring break from school with business, home and kicking breast cancer in the butt.

                                                  These three pictures were taken on the 20th.  Notice that the front and side views although a bit different from my usual self simply look like I have thin short hair, but the top view of the growing part gives you an indication of what it felt like for me knowing the inevitable was near - being with, oh shit.

On the 20th I was highly focused (to say the least) with my soon to be departed hair, and at that time not fully ready to shave and be without my beautiful and shifting locks.  By the 24th I could hardly wait to be without these locks as enough had fallen out that by the 22nd I really needed to wear a hat or some type of head covering unless I wanted to look like a bald man with a comb over in back.  Truthfully I couldn't figure out how one could do a comb over on the back of your head due to gravity and all.  In front it simply looked like a bad hair cut with an extra wide part that could use some Rogaine.