6 Days until the Malignant Breast Tumor is Removed

If you're just catching up with me you'll want to start here to learn about my discovery of lumpiness behaving badly which is also known as breast cancer to the every day person, as well as why I am writing about my journey of breast cancer and for the time being a breast cancer blog.

My prior post is here.  My next post is here.

Well the day is soon approaching when according to my surgeon I will be "cured" of breast cancer by having my malignant tumors cut out, some of my pectoral (but hopefully not that much) will leave also so they can get a clean margin, and thrown in for good measure a sentinel node biopsy or for those of you who have no idea what that means, one or more of my lymph nodes under my arm will be removed.

Although the newest MRI came back with great results, meaning that nothing had spread, the tumor wasn't buried in my pectoral, and my nodes didn't show signs of creeping cancer they still take out one or more of your lymph nodes and test them, because cancer cells can be microscopic and MRI's are not able to see very small cells.

In order to figure out which node(s) they take out, the day before the surgery I will head over to the hospital to be injected with radioactive materials into my breast.  After they remove the tumors and surrounding cells, they will use a probe to see where the material has traveled.  If it's just one node that's what they take out (and what I hope for) if it goes into more nodes they take those out too. 

The nodes, the tumors and surrounding materials are all sent to the lab for pathology.  Those reports determine my future steps.  So right now I know I'll have radiation, but I don't know if I will also have chemotherapy first.

The surgeon actually used the words "cured" which I'm still getting my mind around.  He said that every thing else that happens, radiation, possible chemotherapy and hormone therapy for the next five years are simply thrown in for good measure as an "insurance policy."  Shit, I'd love to walk out of there and be done with the whole thing!

"Michele the surgery itself is trivial...cancer is not."

So somehow I will be cured with trivial surgery that I find quite emotional, after all it's part of my exterior body, my breasts that I've come to love over the past 44 years, that will never look the same.  He called the surgery trivial because he is not dealing with internal body parts.  But heck, who really cares when they loose a gall bladder or one kidney because you have another kidney still there.  With your exterior body it aesthetically changes what you see each time you look in the mirror.

The surgeon also asked if I wanted to wait and have my surgery after I found out the results from the genetic testing for BRAC2.  "You know we could just wait and if it comes back positive simply schedule a double mastectomy."  I was very clear that no, I want to move forward with what we know today.  I am not emotionally ready to make that decision. Period.

So I have a new theory on breast surgery...

Breast cancer surgery according to the surgeon is trivial, but to the recipient it is huge due to the emotional connection to your aesthetic body.

Radiation and Chemotherapy are actually pretty tough on the body, but emotionally I don't feel as connected because you really can't see how it's helping you.  You just know that after poisoning you, it helps.

Hmm, interesting.

I also asked the surgeon to help me out with my rising anxiety over surgery. The only surgery I've ever had was an emergency c-section after 28 hours of hard labor.  I was so delirious I really can't tell you much about it.  But with breast surgery to remove the malignant tumors all I'm doing is thinking about it.

He said, "focus on the fact you will be cured of cancer.  On Friday afternoon you will no longer have growing malignant tumors in your breast.  They will be gone.  Focus on the face of your young son.  Remember him.  Remember why you want to be alive."

Of course that made me cry.  It also didn't help that I started my period just before I went into the appointment and was extra emotional.  I do feel better only taking one step at a time versus constantly having a barrage of information.  I am also grateful to have a surgery date and one more thing completed on this journey. 

Trivia:

Did you ever want to know what they do with all of those malignant tumors? Well Kathy asked the question during the appointment (Tim wasn't able to go). They keep them for three years.  What a toxic room, filled with cut out body parts floating in liquid that some one has to keep organized and clean.  No thank you I can think of other jobs I'd rather have.

Four year old Eli's thoughts on surgery

Remember, he's had his own operation a year ago when his tonsils and adenoids were removed and we spent three days in the hospital even though it was suppose to be day surgery.  In comparison, my surgery will be day surgery.

I told him that I'd be having an operation next Friday and he responded with, "Mom I'll hold your had if you're scared.  You know those IV's can hurt.  Are you going to watch Clifford?  Can I pick the movies out at the hospital?

Mom, you know what, I have a great idea, I can help you eat all of the Popsicles and gum.  Can I pick them out?  I love ice cream sandwiches.

So my breast cancer surgery has been reduced to who can pick out the best ice cream sandwiches and most favorite gum - Eli or me.

I then told him that Aunt Corinne asked if he wants to stay at the house with me since I won't stay at the hospital overnight, as well as go to Enio's birthday on Saturday or if he wants to go to her house and see his cousins for a long weekend?  Plus he'd miss a day of school.

Guess what he picked?  He dropped me like a hot potato. Running around with Austin and Blake or hanging out in Seattle?  Yep the cousins. He asked if he could stay for 5 days or 100 days.  I'm not sure he quite gets space and time yet, but those are his favorite numbers to pick.

The only concern he had was if I'd save him some ice cream sandwiches and gum.

I'm grateful to have Eli head over to Corinne's house with my mom.  That way by the time he gets back I'll be feeling much better.

The surgeon also said that I should be up on a couple days.  The nurse (whom I asked for more details) said that they pump you up with so many drugs that for the first two days every thing is great and you don't even think you need meds.  Some patients then move around too much and then it's day three and four when the pain sets in...so be aware of it.  So also said that the node removal often causes more pain then the lumpectomy.

So I expect that within a week that I will be back to work, but on a lighter schedule especially since most of my work means sitting at the computer, typing notes as I am talking on the phone.

I'm also grateful that the week after surgery is my mom's last week with us.  It will help us transition into Eli's new care schedule and extended day care four days per week. 

Now it's simply reaching out to the girlfriends getting some food because all of you know how much Tim likes to cook and my mom doesn't cook rather eats blended vegetables with protein powder for all meals.  Eli is actually pretty funny about grandma's eating habits.  "Mommy, grandma can't have a cookie like this because she only eats "betch-tables", I like cookies."

On that note, I'm starving and am going to eat.

Thanks for your continued support...and in order to be kind to myself, I'm really doing my best with the return calls.

Michele Corey, writing for Knee Deep Blog A dose on insight and a little crap from your not always average home based business and Internet mom and Money Wise Women: A Blog for Women that are ready to get their financial house in order

And of course I can't leave out the business:  Advanced Approach

PS. Now you can find me simply by typing in http://www.kneedeepblog.com

Financially

If you want to financially help us with out of pocket medical - I say thank you in advance because due to some other circumstances during the past year and a half this wasn't some thing we financially ready for and are open to help whether it be $10 which we say thank you or let me totally get out of my comfort zone $1000. (And believe me that it took a lot of courage on my side to drop my fears and ego and ask). 

Money (cash or visa) can be sent through a secure system - PalPay.   You can contribute either anonymously or not.  Offerings may be sent to michelec (at) unleashthemagic.com - obviously write it like an email address.

I am also committed to either - taking this off once we know we are covered and / or leaving it up and contributing to others that have cancer and need help - once we get there I will ask you.

Comments

[Cathy Cook]

Dear Michele: Mark and I have been been thinking about you and praying for you so much. We are so relieved that your surgery went so well and you are feeling better. I can't even believe you took that long walk the next day--you are awesome!!! I couldn't do that on a good day! We are sending healing thoughts, comfort and all our love and support to you. Your courage and inner strenth are amazing Michele. Love, Cathy
P.S. Hugs and kisses to Eli.

[gk]

Hi - I just stumbled upon your blog.

I feel your pain.

Sounds like you are taking the right approach - continue with the positive attitude. (My oncologist told me that was 98%)

Believe in your doctors and don't forget why you chose them. They are the experts and you picked them for a reason.

In the middle of chemo - just remember those basic ideas.

Take your drugs during your recovery - don't try to be "in-control and clear-headed" all the time (and save them for later - you never know when you'll need them).

Good luck!

[Patricia Klingler]

Michele,

The time has passed, your surgery has ended, and I pray that you are resting comfortably and without pain. My prayers now continue for your smooth, healthy recovery.

Patricia

[Patti Horvath]

Michelle ~ Just received your email for the first time. I have just finished reading your entire blog. Through tears and smiles your words and journey have touched my heart. So much strength it must have taken to open up your personal life to share with all of us. Thank you Michelle for sharing your journey - My prayers and thoughts will most definately be with you friday morning. You enspired me at Money Wise Women and 100 times more through this blog.. Patti

[Michele Corey]

Hey a few of you called or emailed to get the exact date.

Send your prayers - love - and good energy on Friday, February 1st from 7:30 PST to 9:30 PST.

Then 3 hours in recovery before they ship me home to lay in my own comfy bed. It's amazing how much is done in day surgery these days! I wonder if Tim will wear a nurses uniform?! (You out there Tim?)

Blessings to you! Love, Michele