Knee Deep Blog Focus - All about me and the Breast Cancer

I recognize that the focus of Knee Deep Blog has shifted, to all about me and the Breast Cancer. This is on purpose.   To get to the beginning of my journey you can click here. Each post has a link to the next one.

When I was first diagnosed, during those agonizing first 48 hours I prayed a lot and asked God a lot of questions that began with "what" such as...

"what is this about?"

"what am I suppose to do?"

"what am I to learn?"

"what are we going to do?"

To which I actually heard clear messages in between my sobs such as, speak your truth - and I do mean the core of your truth, to which my fears responded but what will others think?  oh shit, was one of the first thoughts I remember having. 

And I clearly heard, speak your truth and write about it publicly.  So I am. 

I figure that my current life was already about being a servant and helping others (my coaching and consulting clients as well as friends and family that were willing to listen) be their magnificent and best selves, to do work they loved very well and have passion for it, to stand in their greatness, and most importantly to know their core values and live to the best of their ability in alignment with them.

Of course in business I often use terms that are well, business like, but here this is my space and my writing, and I'm going to do it my way with my woo woo words that fit just perfectly in this time.

And I'll acknowledge that I have fears dancing around like miniature people perched by my ear shouting - people will laugh, people will know your truth - you're not....and you just fill in the blank cause these little guys were quite active...you're a fraud how can you really help others when you're not "perfect" your self, you're not enough, people will know you're not successful enough and need help, no one will want to read this, people will think your too spiritual, your clients will leave, you'll have to sell your house to pay for your treatment, your going to lose your breasts and it will spread, etc.  I sobbed and sobbed. I know that these are fears and not my truth. 

So cancer has brought up some of my worst fears.  And writing publicly means I'm willing to step into my truth - whether it be painful or joyous and write without worrying and fear that each paragraph is grammatically correct or ties in properly to the next or more importantly is what some one wants to read. 

So it's kind of a weird thing to write for me because although I know this will help me heal physically, emotionally and spiritually; I also know that it is being read by family, friends, clients, acquaintances and people that have no idea who the hell I am - and on some level I hope it is helping them whether it be in simply knowing about me (my ego centric self says this) or they read a sentence or a word that connects them to their own truth or some one that also has cancer finds this and finds solace and comfort (a true hope of mine).  Heck it I totally let it all out my ego says, some one will want you to write more and who knows where that could lead - it's limitless.

Another thing that seemed loud and clear was that I am to ask for help (physically, spiritually and financially) and  even more importantly, not to judge it and allow it in. 

Argh, this is probably the hardest for me because my natural self wants to help others and I was brought up to give and then give some more.  Unfortunately at times meant there wasn't that much time or energy for self.  I also learned at a young age to give but to never ask for help, to be independent.  Oh man, I'm in for a ride.  I am one that also likes to be able control my situation to the best of my ability - I'm often pretty concrete on some levels and A + B = C really works.  For my smarty girl side this has served me well in life and business, as well as had me in tears because of my own resistance, and at times lack of flexibility and just a touch of stubbornness.

Whether I want to admit it or not this is an opportunity for me to ask, listen, allow and be filled with gratitude for what ever big and small random acts of kinds show up.

Trust all is well.

This is an opportunity to live from my heart and find love and God in all while letting go. 

• Letting go of my very big head that wants to figure it (the cancer and all the details all out). 
• Letting go of worrying about how the hell we will pay for every thing,
• Letting go of how will I continue to work and do good work
• Letting go of worrying about how long it will be until I am "healthy" again and how much income I will be able to physically continue to provide as more and more medical bills come in - the first have already arrived, and I know we are not fully prepared
• Letting go of feeling weird, odd about asking for what I need
• Letting go of how will we maintain our household,
• Letting go of how will Eli get taken care of - physically and emotionally
• Letting go of how can we keep Tim focused on family yet open and focused to work (as he is also self employed)
• Letting go that I forgot to tell some one some thing I think they need to know
• Letting go that I may never send that thank you note, but I do want you to know I'll do my best in my own time 

All this letting go so we / I can focus on getting and being healthy physically, emotionally and spiritually.

So it looks like I've embarked on a journey that I never ever imagined (because I have been very healthy all my life) and to make the most of it and to allow and trust all will be well and it will open doors in life and business and deepen relationships beyond what I could have ever imagined or asked for.

In advance I thank you that know me for staying connected, not expecting any thing in return except my deepest gratitude for your acts of kindness in what ever form they show up.

My coach and good friend Kathy has often said some thing to the effect of, Michele you don't need to know how, God will take care of the how it happens, you're simply in charge of making it / yourself available (kind of like get your ducks ready) -

So God, I don't know how this will all work, but I trust I am putting into place what wants to be in place so that my life is blessed with freedom - freedom to spiritually continue to deepen, emotionally is stable and filled with joy,  physically heals and is healthier then when I started,  work prospers...God I thank you in advance for a life  that flourishes and to live with freedom and choice every day. Amen to that sister!

Warmest Regards,

Michele Corey - Knee Deep Blog

How you can help:

Physically/ Time:

If you live locally in Seattle and physically want to help in some way - Kimm is going to coordinate that - you can email her at kimmv ( at ) soaringmountain.com.

If you are obsessed with Google and research like Kathy (and I) are and want to help us get more information on the Googled Boob - Kathy is the person to connect with on this.  My hope is that this boob blog and breast cancer blog that will help other women too.

Financially:

If you want to financially help us with out of pocket medical - I say thank you in advance because due to some other circumstances during the past year and a half this wasn't some thing we financially ready for and are open to help whether it be $10 which we say thank you or let me totally get out of my comfort zone $1000. (And believe me that it took a lot of courage on my side to drop my fears and ego and ask). 

Money (cash or visa) can be sent through a secure system - PalPay.   You can contribute either anonymously or not.  Offerings may be sent to michelec (at) unleashthemagic.com - obviously write it like an email address or by clicking on the Donate button.

I am also committed to either - taking this off once we know we are covered and / or leaving it up and contributing to others that have cancer and need help - once we get there I will ask you.

_____________________________________________________

Once again, here's the link to the beginning of my journey.

Comments

[Karen M. Lynch]

One thing I learned from my two battles with breast cancer is that if you can humble yourself, and accept the help that people desperately want to give, you will feel greatly blessed. Even if you are fighting for your life. You'll be blessed.

Good for you!

[paintedladies]

Your uncomputer savy sister with a little (actually a lot) of help from Laura. Tuned into your blog, I love ya man! Good JOB. I'm so proud of you. Fight like hell. Talk to you soon.
Anne

[Kristina]

Michele,

I am deeply touched by your courage to share your inner most thoughts and feelings during this vulnerable time.

I have not read a blog, nor have I discovered the on-line social world of the internet, until now. My life is upside down at the moment and I am in an unexpected place myself. Being the responsible one that has it all together (whether as a mother and the provider for a family of 5, or the top producer and now executive manager of the US region for an international company) I feel rather alone and don't know where to turn. I just keep putting one foot after the next. Most of the time, I keep the faith, but now and again I am at a loss.

The things you share in your blog might not cross our conversations out loud and yet, here it is, your raw and heart felt expression. I am surprised how initmate it is and how quickly it deepens my friendship to you.

I hear you (and/or Kimm) say, "Welcome to the modern world of technology." One that I have until now only observed thru my step daughter (13) who spends hours a day engrossed in the computer. My experience of the on-line social network until now has been one sided, the one who is alienated as she develops her independence.

My expereince of reading your blog evokes Marianne Williamson words, "As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others." Thank you for your courage. It helped me get grounded when I was feeling afraid.

Kristina

[kristen gill]

Michelle, you are in my thoughts. You have inspired so many people in this life...know that we are rooting for you and that you have our support. We are all in this with you. Love, Kristen

[Cathy Farrar]

Michele - thank you so much for writing this. I can't tell you how much it helps me to read this. Your life is your message!

[Kathy M.]

You go, girl! I love what you're doing here. Yes, put yourself first for a change -- AND you can help others, in fact I suspect you can't HELP but to help others, because it is your nature to do so. It is so MICHELE.

Your job is to make it possible; it's God's job to make things happen. Don't mess with God's business! I used to think that "making it possible" was about getting busy or getting into action. But more and more I suspect that it's mainly just about letting go of control and stepping into faith. Sure, there are certain tasks to be done and steps to take, but the doing gets you nowhere without first surrendering.

In the spirit of surrendering to support, how about putting a Tip Jar on the blog? You can configure it on your Select Content page.

=^)

Loving you!
Kathy M.