Knee Deep Blog

Growing up with Eli: How to Discover What Your Child Is Really Thinking

Did you ever notice that your conversation with your child (regardless of age) often goes like this...How was your day?  "Good.:  What did you do at school?  "I can't remember." What was your favorite thing that happened today? "what?, stuff."  What kind of stuff? "stuff, stuff"

Perhaps it's because he's only 4.5, or perhaps he's already learned, that one word answers end the conversation and allow him to continue on in his own little world without being interrupted.  hmm, is it 

1. a sign of intelligence
2. kids are really present in the now (which most adults are not) and are not thinking about what happened a few hours ago,
3. kids are still learning what it means to be in conversation and one word answers express exactly what they are thinking (when they are forced to speak)
4. all of above
5. get a clue mom, none of above

Of course there are times where Eli will simply go off on a tangent chit chatting about this, that and the other thing, so we do know he is highly capable of 8 to 15 word run on sentences and long winded voice mail messages that my friends and family love.

I learned the lesson on how to discover what children are really thinking by listening to his unprompted voice mail messages.  We often leave messages for friends and family and I'll hand the phone to Eli who will mimic much of what I've just said.  Recently, I've been allowing him to make the message all about him and not saying any thing until he has left his message.

His message to Aunt Nay Nay last night went  like this....

Death...loss, emotion and digging in to what matter mosts

Death...is there really any thing you can say that feels just right and appropriate in that moment? A good friend from my master's program  2000 cohort just sent an email sharing his wife's death due to a ruptured brain aneurysm.  They are in their early 50's, have an incredible relationship, and are individually and together amazing people.

I want to yell out people in their prime and young kids aren't suppose to die, but they do.

Each time I experience a death it brings me back to my father's death four years ago and reopens that sea of emotion and my journey to finding peace.  Maybe it's just my age, once you hit your 40's, death happens more frequently around you.  Although life, death and dying are part of our lives, what seems so unfair has been the unexpectedness of each death - and how that rocks one's core.

My father was in his mid 70's and had numerous body parts taken out for a variety of types of cancer, the joke was always about him being hallow inside or just trying to lose weight. Although he had been diagnosed with terminal cancer in the fall and give just a few months to live - which coincided with me finding out I was pregnant - he didn't die until the following Labor day weekend which was almost a year later. 

What was unexpected is that he didn't die of cancer as was predetermined. He either died of a stroke or some type of aneurysm.  Since he was terminally ill they wouldn't and didn't do an autopsy. 

Growing Up With Eli: Almost Pumpkin Picking At Jubilee Farm

Here's a self portrait of my arm while at Jubilee Farm. The stated intention of the day was a family day and to meet up with a group of families at the Jubilee Farm and go pumpkin picking, but that part actually never happen.

Tim was sick, grandma couldn't make it, and two girlfriends canceled. But, one of our neighbors happened to be there as well as six other kids and families from Eli's school. Jubilee Farm is roughly 40 minutes from Seattle, nestled in the Cascades with lots of absolutely delightful scenery. 

Jubilee Farm is a perfect weekend outing for the family complete with: 

• farmers with long beards driving tractors pulling wagons to take you out to the fields where you can cut your own pumpkin
• the famous trebuchet also known as pumpkin catapult that every hour or so launches a pumpkin to a lower field.  The kids run, fetch the pieces and feed them to the very hungry pigs.  The Dad's, well they line up and count the minutes until the next launch.
• pony rides
• a hand crank  apple press that you can put a little muscle into and be thankful to simply purchase some apple juice or cider in the large barn

Innovate or Die or the More Politically Correct Innovate and Grow

"Innovate or die" or do I be more politically correct and state, "innovate and grow"? At 5:04 am these were the deep thoughts that were meandering through my mind.  Eli had recently woken up yelling for mommy to come and after patiently waiting I knew he wasn't going back to sleep so I trudged upstairs and jumped into bed with him.  He fell back to sleep but I didn't as my mind began racing and settling in on "innovate or die" repeating again and again. OK, I'm not going back to sleep, got the message, and got out of bed.

I generally laugh at others when they say they wake up early and can't go back to sleep because 98% of the time I can, but not today. I know that the thoughts are stemming from my own coaching call yesterday which helped me pull together some of the research I've been doing to help me look at my own work and business from a different lens as well as asking me some big questions such as "What is the pay off for being great, but pretending not to see my own greatness?" that both felt uncomfortable as well as right on mark. 

I realized it's hard to shift to a new lens because I'm looking at it from an familiar and comfortable paradigm (lens, view what ever word works for you) on how I do my work, who I work with and what the processes are with clients as well as the bigger, this is how I think I should do it....oh shit, it hit me that I am "shoulding" on my self big time. A paradigm shift is lurking.

I realized that my comfort with what I do in my work has actually become a huge weight dragging me and holding me down.  More importantly I realized that I've gotten lost in the work and details forgetting what my real purpose is in my work. And that is what my coaching has been about.

A Hiking We Did Go: Picking Matsutake Mushrooms

I'm not sure which is my favorite going on our annual wild matsutake mushroom pilgrimage to the Olympic Peninsula or the eating frenzy aka feast that happens afterward (with or without the mushrooms)!

We were excited to come home with a few pounds of these wonderful tasting mushrooms, especially since we waited too late last year and came up empty handed.  Note to self, yes it does freeze in the mountains before the end of October which means mushroom production stops and the rest become a slimy mess.  At least the hike is still fun!

From car, to ferry, back to car, across the peninsula and then winding along the mountain side for 45 minutes and you are there enjoying a beautiful stroll in an old growth forest listening to the water rush in the nearby creek with your eyes glued to the ground in anticipation of finding this white gold - the matsutake. 

Of course other than that I can't tell you the exact location because we had noticed that some one else had been there too so the secret is already out - and serious mushroom hunters never disclose the location. We spent much more time in anticipation then we did actually picking and admiring these very tasty mushrooms which I think is a big part of the fun.